


day by day (i still love you)

by riceballs



Series: the great 2017 rewrite [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, College AU, Luhan Tao and Kris appear, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riceballs/pseuds/riceballs
Summary: Kris lives by the day, while Yixing always looks ahead to the future, but a chance encounter involving alcohol, strangers at a bar, and a pair of red jordans brings them together in ways neither of them would have ever expected.





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm slowly editing, updating, and reposting some old fics of mine from 2014-2015. This was originally written for yeolxing@lj for [fanxingyou 2014](https://fanxingyou.livejournal.com/21475.html). Was originally known as "bright city lights that shine on us" with a different summary but I decided to change that upon reviewing the story.

The loud bass echoed through the dance hall, vibrating through the floor and sending slight tremors up Yixing’s body. He pushed his way through the crowd, eyes darting around for a sign of Luhan, whom he had lost sight of the moment they stepped into the club, despite the other’s promise to stay together and work their way through the crowd with each other, for “practical experience and future connections.”

 

That was twenty minutes ago.

 

“Practical experience my ass,” Yixing grumbled, sidestepping a slightly tipsy girl and her half empty cup of beer. “He just wanted to pick up someone’s ass.” He spotted the male over by the bar, smiling flirtatiously at the bartender.

 

Walking over, he sat down next to Luhan and placed a hand around his shoulder. “I see you’re being productive here.” Luhan laughed, throwing one last look at the bartender.

 

“Enjoying yourself?” he merely asked, taking a sip from his beer bottle. Yixing took it from him and downed some himself.

 

“Having so much fun.” He answered sarcastically, looking around and scrunching his face in disgust.

 

“They’re all acting like they don’t have class tomorrow,” he sighed, placing the empty bottle on the counter. Luhan chuckled.

 

“Most of them probably just don’t care,” he answered, motioning for another bottle. He offered it to Yixing, who declined. “But that’s the fun of parties Yixing! You can just forget about real life for a second, forget about classes and GPA’s and college and the future, and just sit back, get a drink, and relax. And hey!” he pointed to a couple near the door, who were passionately engaged in a kiss. Yixing made a face and looked away. “ _Connections.”_ Luhan waggled his eyebrows.

 

“You know, at one point, I thought what you said had some legitimacy,” Yixing scoffed. “Going to parties to make connections does make sense, especially for someone in my field of study.” He side eyed Luhan. “But how the hell does a journalist find practical experience here?”

 

Luhan raised his eyebrow. “I was about to make one with the bartender before you came…”

 

“He looks straight, not worth trying.” Luhan smirked.

 

“Ahh… but the charms of an androgynous face. I can make any straight guy fall for me,” Yixing groaned, slapping a hand over Luhans mouth to keep from hearing the same monologue bullshit story he told every time, how having such a pretty face came in handy whenever Luhan found a new possible hookup. (Yixing wondered if it was just a defense mechanism for his discomfort at being called feminine, but he would need to be more sober before entertaining that melancholic thought.)

 

The song changed, turning from an upbeat Chris Brown track to a slight-dubstep instrumental. Yixing recognized it as from a Kpop track, one of the many that his roommate played in between episodes of his latest favorite kdrama.

 

He looked up. “Is the DJ Korean? I think that’s Tao’s new favorite group… eh-exo I think?”

 

Luhan looked at the DJ booth. “Umm… yeah it is.” Yixing looked curiously at Luhan’s quick answer.

 

“Why? Who is it? One of your past conquest who you’d rather not see?” he teased. Luhan kept his straight face, biting his lip. Yixing paused, looking up at the booth himself.

 

“It's Chanyeol.” Luhan answered, not looking up. Yixing froze.

 

Oh.

 

Chanyeol.

 

He turned around, facing the bar instead.

 

Luhan bit his lip. “Yixing I didn’t mean-“

 

“Get me the strongest thing you have.” He glared at the bartender, who gave him a doubtful look but complied. Taking the small glass, he gulped it down in one shot, feeling the burn sliding down his throat.

 

Licking his lips, he turned to Luhan. “ You mean Chanyeol Park, the college dropout who got a job DJing at clubs around the city, who is infamous for picking up a different girl every night to bring home, so much that his roommate Jongin would always come over and complain about it to me and...” He paused.

 

Because of course, everything just had to lead back to his ex-boyfriend, Sehun.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Two months prior, Yixing would not have been anywhere near a club. Instead, you could most likely have found him over at Sehun’s dorm, his head in the other’s lap. Yixing would have been daydreaming over new guitar riffs or piano tunes in his head while Sehun would go off in a monotone monologue over the latest gossip in the dance department, whether it be a fight between the two most dramatic dancers over partnering, or how someone was flirting with the instructor to get a greater chance at being the lead in their upcoming show. To be honest, Yixing never listened far enough to know exactly what the situations were. None of it mattered compared to feeling Sehun’s warm hands in his hair, as they sat there comfortably, Sehun’s deep laughter mixed with Yixing’s Chinese-tinted accent.

 

But that was two months ago. Right now was different. Right now, Yixing was sitting in a dirty bar, drinking shot after shot. Right now, Yixing had club music pounding through his head rather then his own mindless compositions. Right now, there was no Sehun’s lap to lie in, no Sehun’s monologue to pretend to listen too.

 

Because there was no more Yixing and Sehun.

 

“Another one please!” Yixing slurred, shaking his head to get rid of the unpleasant thoughts. “And get one for my friend here, he looks a little lonely.” Luhan waved off the bartender.

 

“Yixing, when I invited you out, I didn’t mean it because of Sehun-“

 

“You know, you almost fooled me there, thinking we were coming out to ‘make connections’. It made sense, for a second. But really, you just wanted me out of my dorm room right? Do you think I’m that desperately not over Sehun, that I hole myself in my room because I’m still upset?” Yixing let out a dry laugh. “I prefer being at home, Luhan, you’ve known me for almost three years already, you know I don’t do the whole drinking and partying scene.”

 

“But you just drink when you’re at home anyways!” Yixing shook his head no, but Luhan persisted, “Tao sends me pics okay, you’re alwasy drinking more then you usually would. Six bottles in an hour? That’s definitely not like you. You haven’t composed anything new in weeks; your composition professor even emailed me asking what’s wrong.

 

I’m just saying; you should get out a bit more Yixing. Lately you’ve been acting a bit…” Luhan took a deep breath. “Gloomy when you’re by yourself.”

 

“So you’re saying I’m not fun to be around?”

 

“That’s not what I meant-“

 

“Do you find me boring? I bet that’s why Sehun lost interest, because he found me boring. I probably am boring. All I do is daydream all day. I’m so forgetful. Did you know I forgot our anniversary? Yeah, I’m boring. I was probably a real bad boyfriend to be honest. Did you think I was a boring boyfriend?”

 

“I don’t think you’re boring.” Yixing blinked drowsily, lifting his head from the table. Someone had sat down next to him, smiling kindly at him while gently removing the glass from his hand.

 

“I’m pretty sure your ex didn’t think you were boring either. If she did, well she didn’t deserve you.”

 

“He.” Yixing corrected. The male chuckled.

 

“That bastard definitely didn’t deserve you then.” Yixing giggled. His companion smiled even more at seeing this, and placed a hand on Yixing’s shoulder.

 

“Your friend here,“ he gestured at Luhan, who still stood there motionless. “He meant good, bringing you out here for some fun. Sure it might not suit you, but sometimes a change in scenery and chance to meet new people is the best way over a breakup.

 

And to be honest, maybe it was better he broke up with you anyways.” Yixing lifted his head slightly, about to correct this unknown male’s comment, but he just continued, “From the five minutes I’ve been watching you, I can already tell you were a good boyfriend of his. You’re sensitive, because one little comment of your friend set you off. Yet, you’re caring, because despite how low you thought of yourself, you were more worried what the effects of your actions were on your friends.

 

Even though you seem to be emotional, you’re strong also, because you kept pushing off your friend’s worries and pretending that you were okay despite the fact that you’re still hurting inside. And the fact that you came out tonight with your friend, despite your obvious dislike for clubs, and the possible reminder of the jerk… well that just shows you’re willing to do whatever you can to make sure your friends can feel like they’re helping, even if they aren’t. That type of devotion… that’s something I’d definitely want from a lover, no doubt.”

 

“You got all that from five minutes of watching me? You’re good.” Yixing hiccupped. The feeling of annoyance quickly disappeared, as he smiled crookedly at the other. “You’re really nice too. And pretty accurate. Thank you.” He squinted, and giggled. ”You’re so much nicer then the bastard Sehun. And more handsome. I’d rather have dated you.” The other male laughed awkwardly.

 

“Umm… thanks? But you probably wouldn’t want too, my best friend says I’m the meanest person in the world.” He answered, grinning shyly. Yixing shook his head in disbelief.

 

“Well your best friend sucks. You need a new one. I need a new one too.” He turned towards Luhan, standing up but then tripping. The male at the bar helped steady him.

 

“You suck as a best friend.” He pouted towards Luhan, punching him lightly in the shoulder, before stumbling forward. “I could throw up on you.” Yixing paused. “Wait. I am going to throw up on you.”

 

“Umm wait-“

 

“Where’s the bathroom?” Yixing groaned, swaying slightly on his feet. His mind was clearer after the talk with the kind stranger, yet his insides were still churning, and the feeling was growing by the second.

 

“I’m sorry, he’s a bit of a light drinker, I should have stopped him-“ Yixing spun around, wanting to tell Luhan that he was wrong, that he could hold his own drinking, that there was something wrong with the drink-

 

He spotted a shock of blonde hair and opened his mouth. No words came out.

 

“Fuck.” The blonde head said instead, as he looked down at his shoes. Yixing followed his gaze down. _Those are some nice Red Jordans._ He mused _. Too bad they have vomit all over them._

 

He looked back up at the face, which had become much clearer to Yixing’s dazed eyes. The person’s cheekbones were well defined; his face more elongated then Luhan’s. In fact, his body seemed much longer then Luhan’s. He was just as handsome though.

 

Yixing squinted. “Oh.” He smiled dazedly, black spots appearing in his eyes. The new stranger’s face seemed to be getting farther and farther away.

 

“You’re not Luhan.”

 

\- - -

 

“So let me get this straight. YOU. Go out to a party, _you, Zhang Yixing,_ goes to a _party_ , and not only do you get drunk at this _party_ , but you get _so_ drunk that you spill your whole life story to a stranger, and then puke on another. At a _party_.” Tao snorted, not looking up from his phone. “You know, I think I read something that sounded _exactly_ like this in one of the applications to the creative writing program. Were you planning to give up musical technology Xing-xing?”

 

Yixing threw a pillow at his roommate, groaning into his sheets. “Shut up Tao.” He pressed his face further down into his bed. Maybe if he suffocated enough, it would take the raging headache he had out.

 

“I honestly didn’t believe it when Luhan brought you up here, until he showed me the video. Great aim by the way.”

 

That was it. Luhan was no longer his best friend. Neither was Tao. Yixing needed a new best friend, like that nice guy he met at the bar last night.

 

Except that nice guy probably didn’t want anything to do with Yixing anymore, after last night’s fiasco. Because, despite Tao’s tendency to over-exaggerated stories, there was absolute truth in the one he was telling now, one that Yixing remembered all too clearly.

 

He groaned loudly, the embarrassment finally hitting him. Tao clucked and threw his phone down. “Why did you even agree to go out with Luhan anyways? We both know that’s not your style. You’re more of the stay at home type of guy anyways.”

 

“Well think of that next time you send pics of me drinking to Luhan.” Yixing slinked off his bed and crawled over to their room’s mini fridge, pulling out the half empty orange juice. He drank out of it.

 

Tao made a face. “I thought an intervention was needed. I didn’t sneak that six pack into the dorms for you to finish it all in an hour. I didn’t sneak it for you anyways, that was mine.”

 

“You shouldn’t be drinking.”

 

“Neither should you apparently.” A pillow went flying into Tao’s face, which he swiftly dodged.

 

“Are you okay though?” he added on, undeterred. “I mean, because Luhan told me that…” his facial expression changed.

 

“I’m fine.” Yixing replied curtly. He rolled over to his phone, which lied on the carpet near the dresser.

 

_One missed call from Luhan._

 

“One of the frats is hosting a party at this club downtown.” Tao told him, pulling his phone out again. “Luhan invited us both. I didn’t think you were up for it though, so-“

 

“When is it?” Yixing cut in. Tao looked at him apprehensively.

 

“Yixing… Wasn’t last night enough torture for you already?” he asked. Yixing ignored him, looking through his closet. Tao bit his lip.

 

“Do you really believe Luhan when he says you should go out for the college experience and possible connections? When all you guys do is sit there and drink and get depressed over-“

 

“Please…” Yixing cut in, pressing his head against their dresser. Tao sighed and sat up.

 

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” he murmured. Yixing didn’t reply.

 

Because if he was honest, he wasn’t sure himself.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

“The. Alcohol. Sucks here.” Tao muttered distastefully, picking at his glass. Yixing ignored him, staring over at Luhan, who appeared in a trance.

 

“Luhan? You okay there?” The other didn’t answer, still staring dazedly out in the crowd.

 

“Lu?” Yixing tried again.

 

“Luhan got so drunk at the CSA party two weeks ago that he ended up grinding against the president.” Tao added dryly. Yixing choked on his drink, turning away as Luhan jerked up and glared angrily.

 

“You weren’t supposed to tell Yixing you asshole.” He hissed. Tao shrugged and turned back to his phone. Yixing coughed, not bothering to bring up that the video was all over snapchat that night.

 

“What’s on your mind? You’ve been out of it since we got here.” He tried instead. Luhan turned to Yixing, face contorting to one of embarrassment.

 

“No reason, what are we having?” he grabbed Tao’s glass and took a sip, cringing at the taste. “What the hell is this girly beer Tao, I expected more from you.”

 

“Someone needs to keep some semblance of sobriety to haul your two drunk asses back home.” Tao rolled his eyes, idly circling his glass. “Me thinks the deer is trying to hide something, but isn’t doing so well. Spill Luhan. Are you planning to ditch us for some hot guy you see across the room? Because we already know that.”

 

“It’s not that,” Luhan snapped angrily. He sighed. “Tao, remember the guy who helped me drag Yixing up those four flight of stairs?”

 

“You mean the guy who dragged Yixing by himself up those four flight of stairs? I can only recall you giggling and poking his cheeks.”

 

“You guys are talking as if I’m not even here…?” Yixing commented. Neither paid him any attention.

 

Luhan continued, “Well…. after we dropped Yixing off, he offered to drive my car home for me, ‘cause I wasn’t in any state to do it myself. And well… the ride was… was nice. We talked, and he’s really nice and funny and sweet and-“

 

“So long story short, you’re meeting your guy here for a date, which is basically you ditching us for some guy you see across the room except you actually know this guys name this time.” Tao raised an eyebrow. “I’m impressed, this is progress. Has the great and powerful Luhan finally been tamed? Stay tuned as we follow the developments of their first date.” Luhan smacked Tao’s arms and sighed.

 

“I’m actually not meeting him here.”

 

“So you’re… stalking him? Well folks, there we have it. Luhan’s officially going backwards in his love life.”

 

“No, I’m not stalking him either.” Luhan paused, his face turning red. “Don’t laugh but… I-I actually don’t have any contact info.” Yixing choked. “All I know is that his name is Xiumin, and he’s an architecture major.” Tao let out a shocked laugh.

 

“And you decided _that_ was enough info for you to efficiently find him again.” Tao sighed a chuckle, pulling out his phone. “Is there a word for completely hit rock bottom in the most pitiful way ever?” Luhan looked helplessly at him, before collapsing on the table, groaning.

 

“It was worth a shot!”

 

“If you lived in a Korean drama.” Tao grumbled, sliding lower onto the table. He pulled out a twenty. “Yixing, please go get me the strongest thing they have here. Fuck sobriety, I can be twenty shots in and still be more put together then both of you combined.” Yixing smacked him on the arm, but grabbed the twenty anyways.

 

“Nothing too strong for you though Xing, we don’t want a repeat of last time,” Tao snickered, still typing in his phone. Yixing flipped him off as he walked away. Sliding into an empty seat at the bar, he motioned the bartender over.

 

 _So Luhan got a name,_ he thought. By why did he care anyways? He’d rather not see Xiumin again, despite how nice he was. He didn’t need a reminder of how mortifying that night was.

 

He heard a shuffle next to him. “Hey are you…“ The voice paused. Yixing looked up and froze. A mop of blonde hair and very familiar uncertain eyes stared back.

 

“You’re… the guy who threw up on me right? Two nights ago?” Yixing looked down. Red Jordans.

 

 _Well looks like I’m getting that reminder anyways_.

 

“I am _so_ sorry for all the trouble here's some money for all your troubles bye-“ Yixing threw the twenty at the male, not allowing for his sentence to finish before rushing from the stunned male, pushing away from the counter and weaving into the crowd to where Luhan and Tao were. He grabbed Luhan’s arm.

 

“We have to go. _Now._ ”

 

Tao looked up from his phone. “Really? I’m meeting a friend though; I need some smart brain cells around to balance all the dumb here. And where’s my drink?”

 

“No time, let’s go.” He pulled Luhan up.

 

“What about Xiumin?” Luhan whined.

 

“What about my drink?” Tao let out an exasperated sigh. Yixing ignored them both.

 

“Text your friend, tell him you got a hot chick or something, I don’t know, whatever you straight guys do.”

 

“I wish I had a hot chick,” Tao moaned, but swiped at his phone, expertly clicking away as he followed Luhan and Yixing out. “What got you so spooked anyways?”

 

Yixing didn’t answer, but instead looked over to the bar. The male still stood there, but was looking at his phone instead. He sighed a breath of relief. Ushering the two out, they stepped into the spring night, and already the cold air cooled Yixing’s red-hot cheeks. Luhan leaned against him.

 

“So why did we have to pull a daring escape in the middle of my operative?” he questioned Yixing, pinching Tao who had scoffed ‘what operative’.

 

“That guy. Throw up. Red Jordans. He was at the bar.” Tao and Luhan froze. “He recognized me too.” Luhan let out a bark of laughter.

 

Tao looked pitifully back at him. “I lied. You guys are definitely living in a fucking kdrama.”

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Two days later, Yixing was starting to believe it.

 

The crossing light blinked the GO sign, and Yixing trudged along the street, feet dragging down the pavement. There was a certain ease that came with walking around Chinatown, the familiar sounds and smells of the bustling streets a reminiscence of his childhood in Hunan, which brought a momentary comfort to Yixing when he needed it.

 

And well – after that afternoon – Yixing desperately needed the comfort.

 

 _Kyungsoo didn’t mean it_ , he thought to himself. _We were just catching up_. Yet Kyungsoo’s words kept repeating themselves in Yixing’s head.

 

_Jongin’s dating Sehun now._

 

It just slipped out, Yixing supposes. They were talking about Chanyeol, when Baekhyun had joked about how Jongin and Kyungsoo were most likely to become a new couple merely due to how many times Chanyeol kicked his roommate out and into the other’s apartment. That’s when Kyungsoo had blurted out,

 

_Jongin’s dating Sehun now, he stays over at Sehun’s instead._

That was in the afternoon, at a small Chinese restaurant, during what was supposed to be a nice day out with some friends he had not seen in a while. Yet three hours later, the only thing he could remember was those four words.

 

_Jongin’s dating Sehun now._

 

Checking his phone, he saw three missed calls, all from Luhan. There were eight texts, four from Luhan, one from Baekhyun and Kyungsoo each, and two from Tao. He ignored the first six and opened the last one.

 

**Kyungsoo just texted me**

 

Yixing opened the other.

 

**Go pick up some bao from Chinatown for me**

There was an address attached. Yixing mindlessly headed in that direction. It was scary, he couldn’t help but think, how well his roommate knew him, knew that he would be here in Chinatown after hearing such things, knew that he would need a distraction from that information.

 

Yet nothing could stop the simple phrase from repeating over and over in his head, a deafening mantra Yixing didn’t want to hear.

 

Stopping outside the bakery Tao had told him to go to, the smell of hot buns was already enticing him inside. He opened the door.

 

“Hello, welcome- hey wait it’s you.” Yxing froze. The voice was unfamiliar, but the face that came with it was unforgettable. Unconsciously he looked down at the guy’s shoes.

 

Red Jordans.

 

“Sorry.” He squeaked and turned to walk out.

 

“H-Hey hold up!” _Please don’t stop me, please don’t stop me._ Of all his luck, Tao had to send him to the one bakery in town that the one guy that Yixing had been hoping never too see again just so happened to work at. Yixing wondered if the world was trying to send a sign through this mysterious man of something dramatic that was to come.

 

No, karma probably just hated him. And so did Tao. Even if the other didn’t know what he did.

 

Yixing was going to murder the kid once he got home.

 

Caught in his musings, Yixing nearly bumped into the guy, who had apparently thrown his body in the way of the door, blocking Yixing from exiting. Yixing looked up, gaping. _His hair seemed lighter in the bar._ Yixing mused. He tried not to pay attention to the handsome face.

 

The mysterious guy shifted uncomfortably under Yixing’s gaze. “Umm…”

 

“Was the money not enough?”

 

“No-No!”

 

“Are you seeking revenge? If you’re going to beat me up, making it quick. I need to go home and kill my roommate.”

 

“No-I mean,” the male scratched his head awkwardly. “Are you okay?” he blurted out. Yixing blinked.

 

“I mean- you were crying that day, I just wanted to make sure everything was fine-“

 

“So you mean you’ve been chasing me throughout the city just to make sure I was fine.” Yixing groaned.

 

“I haven’t really been chasing you throughout the city-“

“Then why do I keep seeing you around?”

 

“I mean we’ve only ran into each other like twice-“

 

“Forget it.” Yixing made to push the tall male away from the door. “I really don’t need to deal with this right now, I have enough on my plate already-“

 

“Talk to me about it!” Yixing froze, shocked. The male looked embarrassed at his outburst, but continued, “Like- I’ll help you sort through it or something okay? Just… don’t leave. Please.”

 

Yixing turned slowly, raising his eyebrow at the male. He blushed red. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have- you can go- I didn’t mean-“ _It was kind of endearing,_ Yixing thought, watching the boy fluster around, his hands wringing as he stepped away from the door, opening it for Yixing. Yet something in his actions made Yixing want to stay, how the other male had seemed sincere and desperate to hear Yixing out, despite not even knowing him.

 

“I was crying over my ex-boyfriend.” The other male stopped in his tracks. “And today, I learned that he got a new boyfriend, which kinda sucks. A lot.” Yixing sighed. He looked back up at the tall male, who seemed taken aback at Yixing’s confession.

 

“I’m sorry about your shoes.” The other male waved the apology off.

 

“It’s no problem, it wasn’t that hard to clean.” Taking a seat at one of the tables in the small café, he motioned Yixing to sit across from him. “And I mean, I was more worried about how you were doing, I mean… you did pass out…”

 

Yixing waved it off. “I’m fine.” He grinned a small smile, nervously looking anywhere but the males face. “But you were that desperate to make sure I was okay?” The other male blushed.

 

“Not desperate but…well… are you okay?” he pressed on, leaning forward. Yixing sighed but smiled.

 

“I mean- it’s not like I’m still not over him I guess, it just… it came as a shock to me.” He narrowed his eyes in mock suspicion. “Why, are you a psychologist or something?” He clapped suddenly. “Oh wait, you’re a psych student right? I met one of those in a dance class I went to once, he spent the whole night trying to decipher why my face looked the way it was.” Yixing shuddered, recalling that weird night.

 

The tall blonde froze, uncertainty on his face. “Um.. y-yeah yeah you’re right, I’m a psychology student. You caught me.” He chuckled nervously as Yixing ahhed. “I-it’s a natural thing for us I guess? But, like, I mean… it was more that I was really concerned about you… I guess.” He looked down, biting his lip. “I mean, one moment you were fine, the next…”

 

“I started throwing up on strangers shoes.” His companion snickered at that. Yixing pointed accusingly at him, a grin coming up on his face. “Don’t laugh! I don’t think psychologists are allowed to do that in the office!”

 

The tall male merely smiled at that, before continuing, “But if it wasn’t because you were still hung up over him… then why would you be in shock?”

 

Yixing sat there, thinking, before answering, ”Maybe just because… we’ve been together for so long, that I can’t really imagine a life without him.”

 

“But then… wouldn’t that mean you aren’t over him?”

 

Yixing shrugged. “It would seem that way, but I think it’s more like… we had so many future plans together, that now… I don’t really know where to go from here. Because he’s making new plans and I’m still stuck in the past.” The stranger nodded.

 

“I guess I get it.” He smiled awkwardly. “I think… it’s probably fine to feel that way… especially if you guys were together for…”

 

“Four years.” The other male whistled.

 

“That’s a while.” He continued. “And that's a lot of time to really think of a future forever together. But at the same time, I think this just opens another opportunity for you, you know? I mean, sure, it might be hard to think of a new life path without him, but…“ He flailed helplessly. “I’m sorry; I’m probably really bad at giving advice. I’m just making this more awkward, aren't I?”

 

Yixing shook his head in disagreement. “You’re not bad. Better then my friends at least, ‘cause all I’ve gotten from them is ‘drink more’ and ‘go to parties’, which… you kinda know the results of.” They both chuckled awkwardly.

 

“I try my best.” The other male said, biting his tongue. “But I mean… thanks… for sharing I guess. It kind of puts my heart to ease, knowing it wasn’t anything serious.”

 

“You’re really nosy.” Yixing giggled. His companion shrunk back, causing Yixing to laugh more.

 

“Thanks though.” Yixing sat back, grinning at the stranger. “To be honest, I was trying to avoid you ‘cause, you know…” he gestured down and the other male nodded understandingly. “But I guess… it is comforting to have someone else listen in, someone without any prior opinions or judgments I guess… and just my luck, I find a psychologist! So it’s like in your job description to listen! And you’re not telling me my face must mean I seek death in the near future or something, so that’s a plus I guess.”

 

“W-well, yeah, I guess.” the other male mumbled. “But… I’m glad I can help. I mean,” he stared at Yixing. “I was…”

 

“Worried?” Yixing finished. “You’ve said that like three times already.” His companion looked embarrassedly back at him.

 

“I really mean it though,” his expression changed to seriousness. “And I really am glad it wasn’t anything serious. I’m sorry though, t-that I couldn’t offer any more advice or anything.” Yixing shook it off.

 

“It’s just nice to be able to share it, without any demeaning comments that my friends would have made about Sehun.” He smiled. “But what _is_ awkward is… I just bared my life out to you, and I don’t even have a name. I’m Yixing by the way.” The stranger chuckled, and stuck out his hand.

 

“I’m Kris.”


	2. two.

**ONE MONTH LATER**

 

“I think that's where everything really started to fall apart.” Yixing sighed, taking a drink from his shot glass. Tao looked apprehensively at him.

 

“When you introduced yourself to him?” Yixing nodded.

 

“I shouldn’t have. I should have walked straight out that door. I shouldn’t have shared about Sehun, and about my worries. I shouldn’t have met Kris.” He stared at an empty spot against the bar, fingering the rim of his shot glass. “Then none of this would have happened. We wouldn’t have become friends, wouldn’t have gotten close, wouldn’t have…“ he paused. “developed _feelings_ for each other.”

 

Tao snorted. “You think people develop feelings just based on the first meeting? I thought I was the cliché one, Xing, not you.” Yixing let out a dry laugh.

 

“You’re the one that said fate would have brought me and Kris together anyways, even if I didn’t stay in his mom’s bakery and talk to him for another two hours. If that doesn’t spell cliché love story, I don’t know what does.”

 

Tao rolled his eyes. “It was bound to happen eventually.” He took a sip from his own drink. “But I don’t think that’s where everything started to “fall apart”, if we’re going to use your terms.” He took another sip. “When did you start realizing he might actually have feelings for you?”

 

Yixing thought back, over the past month he had known Kris for. Five weeks, where he and Kris grew close almost instantaneously, at a frighteningly fast speed.

 

After their first formal introduction, Yixing found himself hanging out at the bakery even more. There was something about Kris, the kind albeit awkward Chinese male that drew Yixing close to him. Despite their less then pleasant first meeting, Yixing could almost certainly call Kris a close friend. They had slipped into a friendly companionship with such ease, it was almost as if he knew Kris as long as he had known Tao and Luhan.

 

So when did it all change?

 

“I think it was when we finally met Minseok.”

 

 

\- - -

 

 

**THREE WEEKS PRIOR**

 

_♪_ _Because I'm happy..._ ♪

  
Contrary to his text tone, Yixing was definitely not happy at –he checked his alarm clock– 7:34 am on a Saturday, where he had no other plans except to sleep in as late as it was humanly possible. Groaning, he rolled to his bedside, glaring at the offending piece of technology before swiping it on.   
  
**SEND HELP.**

 

It was Luhan. Yixing wondered how many years of jail he would have to endure if he murdered his best friend.

 

**its way to early for u to be alive wtf is wrong with u**

 

**BRNG TAO.**

 

_30_ _years_ _to life_ , he could recall Baekhyun saying. Not a bad deal.

 

**THERES A STRANGE MAN IN MY HOUSE**

 

Yixing sat up straight. That caught his attention.

 

"Tao!"  


 

\- - -

 

  
"You know, when Xing said ‘strange man’, I imagined him in a black suit with mask on, maybe a pocketknife in hand too, going through the safe you have under your tv.” Yixing peered over to look, making a mental note of it. “Not in sweatpants, your gym shirt, and cooking breakfast." Tao deadpanned, holding his wushu stick threatening at Luhan, who sat sheepishly at the counter.

 

"I'm sorry! But like, I woke up and heard someone in the kitchen and I was naked with no recollection of last night-"

 

"Why didn't you tell us that!?!? Even I know what you did!"

 

Yixing smiled apologetically at the male in question, whom they had learned was named Joonmyun, was invited to Luhan's apartment, and had no intention of robbing the place. "Sorry you have to hear all this."

 

Joonmyun smiled back. "It's my fault. I should have probably left last night, but he started mumbling ‘baozi’ and like poking my cheeks so I thought… something might be wrong with him, and I didn’t really want to leave if he was sick...” Yixing blinked surprisingly.

 

“Really? Cause I would have left first thing if the dude I slept with was displaying crazy signs.” Joonmyun looked frightened. “N-not that there’s anything wrong with Luhan.”

 

Tao rolled his eyes. “Something is wrong with him. You should have left first chance you had.” He started walking out the door. “Please solve this Yixing, before I take this stick and beat you with all with it.” Joonmyun took two steps away.

 

“Wait, where are you going?”

 

“Back to sleep. Please wake me up when all your dramatic life problems are solved.” He slammed the door behind him. Joonmyun flinched.

 

“Don’t worry, he’s a giant teddy bear once you get to know him.” Yixing reassured him. Joonmyun looked unconvinced. “Trust me, he cries over asian dramas and listens to kpop.” Joonmyun took a glance at the door, still looking doubtful.

 

Ignoring him, Yixing walked over to Luhan, who had not budged from his spot at the counter.

 

“Is this because of that guy?”

 

Luhan pouted. “No.”

 

“You’re really convincing.”

 

“I can smell the sarcasm coming out of your mouth.”

 

“I can see the desperation in your actions.”

 

“I’m not desperate though!” Luhan grumbled, pushing Yixing aside and heading for the couch. He flopped down on it.

 

“So you haven’t been dragging us to bars searching for this guy only for you to eventually realize you’re never going to find him – which leads you to become overly depressed and a) either drink the bar out of its alcohol, or b) find some random stranger to sleep with that night. All over a guy who you only know is an architecture student named Xiumin. That spells desperation to me man.”

 

“Xiumin?” Joonmyun suddenly perked up. The pair stopped arguing and turned to him, eyes wide. “Don’t you mean Minseok?” Both of them stared blankly back at him.

 

Luhan narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know any Minseok.”

 

“You said architecture, right? He’s like a short Korean dude with a roundish face?” Yixing nodded, Luhan following slowly after.

 

Yeah, but I’m pretty sure his name was Xiumin-”

 

“Xiumin’s just his nickname.” Joonmyun smiled, turning off the stove. “Xiu is like, beautiful or something, and Min is a handsome jade, though Jongdae only gave it to him cause the first part of his real name is Min.”

 

“Jongdae?” Joonmyun nodded.

 

“Jongdae’s my roommate, and Minseok’s his best friend. Jongdae’s a Chinese language major, so he goes around and gives everyone a Chinese nickname. Like he calls me Lao JunMian, and Kris is Fanfan-“

 

Yixing shot forward. “Wait-did you just say Kris? As in Kris Wu?”

 

Joonmyun stared blankly back. “Y-yes?”

 

 

\- - -

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew the guy who talked to me,” were the first words out of Yixing’s mouth as soon as they walked into the café. Kris shifted uncomfortably.

 

“It’s a small world after all?” he replied, eyes darting around uncertainly. Yixing playfully smacked him on the arm.

 

“Oh! You’re the heartbreak guy!” Looking around, Yixing saw two other guys sitting at the table Kris was at, one being ‘Xiumin’ (now known to really be called Minseok) and the other a sharp cheek boned male with a slightly disinterested face, who raised his eyebrow at Minseok’s comment.

 

“The one who threw up over Kris’ shoes?” Yixing blushed, but the male just smirked. “Good job there.” Minseok nudged him in the shoulder.

 

“Jongdae shut up, no one invited you.” He turned back to the three who stepped in. “So… Joonmyun tells me you guys been looking for me?” Luhan blushed.

 

“W-Well… we wanted to thank you, that’s all.” Yixing could see him fidgeting with his hands, and blinked in surprise. Luhan was usually friendlier and open then this, which was why he was able to make friends so easily. Seeing him tongue twisted and shy was new.

 

Minseok merely smiled. “Sorry about the name thing,” he apologized. “It was my first time at a club, so I was worried about telling you it. If I’d known it would have caused you so much trouble though…”

 

“It’s fine, it’s totally totally understandable,” Luhan responded quickly. Joonmyun pulled out a chair for him, and he took it gratefully. “I mean, it’s just… you were so helpful with Yixing, and really nice to me in the car… I couldn’t help but really want to meet you again and thank you sincerely for it. While sober. I didn’t know you weren’t a party going guy though.”

 

“Good thing you picked up Joonmyun then.” Jongdae added dryly. Minseok once again nudged him.

 

“H-how about I buy you guys drinks?” Luhan looked around nervously. “As sorry for making Joonmyun drag you guys out so early, and also as thanks and sorry for that… night?”

 

Minseok held his hands out in protest. “It’s no problem you don’t have too-“

 

“I insist.”

 

“The guy insists Xiuminnie,” Jongdae smirked, lifting his eyebrows suggestively. “And sure it may have been no problem for you to get up ‘Mr. I-get-up-at-8-am-even-on-Saturdays’, but think of the others of us in the masses that can’t even get out of bed by 12.”

 

“Literally _no one_ invited you Jongdae.” Minseok deadpanned. “You’re more then welcome to go home.” Luhan giggled, before turning to Yixing.

 

“Green tea latte?” Yixing nodded. Minseok stood up.

 

“I know their usuals, so why don’t I go up with you?” Luhan nodded again, speechlessly following the other male to the counter. Jongdae watched them go, his face suddenly apprehensive.

 

Yixing turned to Kris. “So… Fanfan.” He started. Kris groaned and dropped his head on the table. Jongdae let out a loud laugh.

 

“Joonmyun, you did not!” he choked. Joonmyun bit his lip, smiling.

 

“It’s from my real name, Yifan. This asshole here just thought I needed something cute to make up for my scary face.” He sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. “I told you my real name so that we could practice your Chinese.”

 

“I am practicing my Chinese Fanfan,” Jongdae replied innocently. Yixing snickered at that.

 

“Yeah Fanfan.” he mocked. Jongdae nodded approvingly at Yixing.

 

“I like this guy Kris.” he said. Joonmyun looked between the two.

 

“I’m curious though, how’d you guys meet after that night?” he asked. Both Yixing and Kris choked, causing the others to glance at them quizzically. “I mean, Xiumin said that he left Kris behind at the bar after you threw up.” he pointed to Yixing, who blushed again.

 

Jongdae added, “And well, Kris wouldn’t tell us on the way here.” Now it was Kris’ turn to go red. Yixing bit his lip.

 

“I ran into him, at his mom’s bakery, and he kinda recognized me.” He answered simply.

 

“Oh, so you went to his bakery?” Jongdae bolted forward, smiling. “Have you tried his sesame balls? They’re to die for.” (Yixing didn’t miss the mischievous glint in Jongdae’s eyes, and tried to will himself not to flush like a tomato).

 

“I… actually haven’t though?” he turned to Kris. “You know how to bake? I thought your mom makes everything.” Jongdae snickered.

 

“Well, I mean, he did practically grow up in that bakery, so I would expect him to be able to do something. Kind of funny though ‘cause he can’t cook for life, but can whip up a really good batch of pastries.” Kris flicked at Jongdae’s shoulder.

 

“Guess it’s just one of the many things you haven’t learned about me,” he puffed proudly. Yixing rolled his eyes.

 

“But what else is there to learn about you, besides you being a big and dumb awkward turtle named Fanfan?” Yixing responded sweetly. Both Jongdae and Joonmyun roared in laughter at that.

 

“Why are you guys having fun without me?” Minseok and Luhan had arrived back at the table, one holding a bag of cookies, the other with a tray of drinks. Jongdae slid over and grabbed the one Minseok handed over greedily.

 

“Thanks a lot man- oh come on! Minseok, why’d you get me the caramel?”

 

“Dunno, just seems like you deserve it.”

 

“I hate caramel!”

 

“Exactly why you deserve it.”

 

“You look like you’re having fun,” Luhan whispered into Yixings ear, placing his own latte in front of him. “How long have you been close to Mr. Red Jordans over there?” Yixing pinched him.

 

“What about you? You were pretty starstruck before, and now you’re like best buddies with Mr. drove-you-home?” Luhan licked his lips nervously, but beamed.

 

“He’s just as nice as before…” he replied dreamily. “But you never answered my question though.” A pout appeared on his face. “I thought we were best friends Xing-xing, I’m hurt. You couldn’t even tell me that you found out who Mr. Red Jordans was and suddenly became newfound buddies?”

 

Yixing took a sip from his latte. “Well, there’s no real easy way to say, ‘I met up with the guy who I puked all over and mortified myself in front of, only for him to completely be okay with it and open his arms with friendship and companionship’. Just think what the presses would say!” Luhan giggled and leaned over onto Yixing’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, I only write what’s in the articles, not the titles,” Luhan sipped his own coffee. “You should probably ask Tao about that.”

 

“He’d only say I was living in a teenage soap opera or something.”

 

“Do those even exist?”

 

“Hey hey hey, we want to know what’s so funny too,” Jongdae whined, breaking into Luhan and Yixing conversation. Luhan merely smiled innocently at him, sitting back up.

 

“Just discussing Kris and Yixing’s relationship, and how I didn’t even know about it until today,” Kris spluttered his drink, coughing. Minseok patted him on the back.

 

“Oooh~ are you guys hiding something?” Jongdae teased, peering into Kris’ face, then Yixing. Joonmyun pulled him back.

 

“You know, Yixing kinda looks like your type,” Jongdae continued, undeterred. Kris blushed even harder, while Yixing sat up straight. “Small, cute, ditzy… Kris, you sure you aren’t hiding some hidden feelings for Yixing here?”

 

“We’re just friends.” Yixing responded vigorously. Kris jumped in shock, but quickly nodded in affirmation. His face however, dropped in disappointment, which didn’t escape Yixing’s sight.

“Don’t mind Jongdae, he only takes interest in other peoples love lives because he can’t get any of his own.” Minseok added quickly, and the mood suddenly lifted. Now it was Jongdae’s time to turn red.

 

“Excuse you, I’m on a hiatus in the love department to focus on my studies you know.”

 

“That’s the shittiest reason I’ve ever heard.”

 

The tension was broken, and Kris’ face went back to its default gummy smile state. Yet Yixing couldn’t help but think back to what Jongdae had said. _Kris has an ideal type, and it’s like me?_ He blinked at the other. Kris stared blankly back.

 

“You okay?” he mouthed. Yixing nodded yes, and turned back to the conversation. However, the split second from before stayed in his mind, as he snuck another glance at Kris.

 

_But what does that even mean?_

 

 

\- - -

 

 

It was almost with a sense of dejavu that Yixing was peering through the crowd at the club, looking –once again– for the person who he called his best friend. He was about ready to give up that title though, considering –once again– the fact that Luhan had mysteriously disappeared through the club area, despite his flimsy promise of them “sticking together to look for Minseok”.

 

“Why do I even have to be here, this was obviously Luhan’s set up of a date together with Minseok.” He grumbled, pushing his way through. The loud music continued to pump through his body, sending a headache to his brain. Pulling up to the bar, he debated between shots or a tall glass, before settling for a Bloody Mary. He tried sending another text to Luhan, but received no answer.

 

_Maybe I should call Kris…_ he mused, looking down at the glass in his hand. There was no point of looking for Luhan, if said male would be hanging off of Minseok all night anyways, which meant Yixing really didn’t have a reason to be here anymore.

 

His phone buzzed as if it read his thoughts. Yixing looked at it.

 

**One message from Fanfan.**

 

_It really did read my thoughts._

 

Bypassing the message, Yixing opted to call instead. Kris picked up after the second ring.

 

“Wanna do a reenactment of our first meeting?” Yixing joked. Kris laughed at the comment.

 

“I heard from Jongdae that you guys were meeting up. I figured you would probably be bored out of your mind with them.” Kris answered, and Yixing smiled brightly. “Wanna meet up? Not in a bar preferably though, I’d like to keep my Vans clean tonight.”

 

“So you finally got rid of the Jordans? Thank the heavens.” The song changed to an even more upbeat tempo, and Yixing groaned.

 

“You dissing my Jordans? Maybe I should retract my offer.”

 

“No please don’t I’m sorry,” he could almost hear the smile in Kris’ voice. “I’m dying here, where you want to go?”

 

“I’m walking by the bar now, meet me outside?” Yixing didn’t hesitate before heading for the doorway, stepping out from the heated club into the colder air. Two seconds later, Kris appeared in front of him, bundled up with a black jacket and long red scarf. Yixing tried to not pay attention to how cute he looked.

 

“Stalker much?” Yixing teased. Kris blushed.

 

“I have a class in a building down the street, just got out.” The two continued down the street. Yixing shivered slightly in the cool night.

 

“Here-“ Kris unraveled his scarf and handed it to Yixing. “Despite how cliché that move was, I’d rather you not freeze to death on me.”

 

“Thanks,” Yixing accepted it gratefully. “Also, thanks for saving me from there. Luhan ditched me the second we walked in, that ungrateful bastard.” Kris snickered.

 

The two continued walking in comfortable silence. “How’s school for you?” Yixing asked. Kris shifted uncomfortably next to him.

 

“It’s… it’s fine?” he responded. “Classes are okay.”

 

“Got any new patients other then me?” Kris nervously laughed.

 

“You know… you never told me what you major in,” He changed the subject, staring down at Yixing.

 

“Really? Musical technology and composition studies.” Yixing answered, wrapping himself tighter in Kris’ oversized scarf. It felt warm. “Basically I create melodies all day and stuff.”

 

“So like, you want to be a composer when you grow up?”

 

Yixing slowed his steps. “Not… not really.” He admitted. “I mean, it’s a possibility, but I’m still finding out if music is something I really want to do in the future.”

 

“You seem pretty passionate about it. You’re always sending me new song recommendations.” Yixing chuckled, his breath visible in the air.

 

“You listen to mainstream music, I had to save you from all that.”

 

“Excuse you, The Wanted isn’t so mainstream!”

 

“The fact that you listen to them still is enough evidence I need to step in.” Kris smiled at that.

 

They passed a small park. Yixing walked over to the swings and sat in one.

 

“Is it still cause of Sehun?” Kris asked timidly. Yixing shook his head no, but paused.

 

“Well, I lied. Kinda.” Yixing shrugged. “Lately I’m not sure what I want in life anymore. I mean, just… the whole thing with Sehun set off a chain reaction I guess. You know how I had everything planned out with him, so that… now that he’s gone, it’s like everything I had in mind just doesn’t… make sense anymore. Like I’m in a lost state, with no idea what’s coming ahead of me.”

 

“But isn’t that the fun of life?” Kris pressed on. Yixing looked up curiously at him. Kris leaned forward, his head in his hands. “I mean… sometimes life throws us unexpected curves, and we aren’t sure of what we want at the moment. But that just kind of forces us to focus on the now. I mean, planning ahead, having future goals and stuff like that, I think that’s good and all, but at the same time, you lose track of what’s going on in the present.”

 

Yixing hummed, and Kris continued, “Maybe this is a sign you know, telling you that you should just focus on what’s going on right now, not what’s going to happen later on. Learn to trust your judgment and choices right now. I personally thing everything’s going to fall together perfectly later on, you just need to believe it can happen.” He looked up at Yixing from his position. “I mean, did I make any sense?”

 

“Yeah.” Yixing whispered softly. _But at the same time, no_. Jongdae’s words from before came rushing back to him. Kris was still smiling softly at him, and Yixing’s heart pounded.

 

To focusing on the now and stop worrying about the past was hard, especially since… he looked back up at Kris.

 

What he wanted at the moment was scaring him.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

The slight jingle of the café door alerted Yixing’s attention, and as he looked up, he saw Baekhyun and Kyungsoo walk through the door, Baekhyun waving enthusiastically at him. Yixing smiled and slide over, allowing for Kyungsoo to take the seat next to him, Baekhyun settling down across.

 

“I am so glad you called Yixing, I didn’t think I could stand another second in our dorm with this idiot here,” Kyungsoo glared at Baekhyun, who stuck his tongue out back, only to wince slightly, hand clutching under the table. Yixing could only guess what Kyungsoo had done. “Fucking singing all the chapters of the CFR by title, as if that isn’t enough pressure on me already.”

 

“You need to be prepared for that exam you have,” Baekhyun grinned, only to earn another kick under the table. He turned to Yixing. “This is why I picked civil law as my prime area of interest, as if that isn’t enough pressure already.”

 

“I’m going to pretend I understand exactly what you both are talking about.” Yixing grinned, pulling out his tablet. “In reality, I’m just going to zone out on both of you, and hope you guys pass so that if I ever get in trouble I know who to call.” The two laughed.

 

Kyungsoo turned to face Yixing, smile still on his face. It slightly faded. “You’re okay though… right?” he asked quietly. “I mean… cause…”

 

Yixing grinned back. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” And honestly, he was. Even though the idea of Jongin and Sehun dating had hurt at first, being with Kris had almost completely solved that, and hanging out with his new friend was a breath of fresh air to his previous depressed state.

 

Baekhyun looked around curiously. “Luhan’s not here?”

 

“Nah, he’s with Minseok again.”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head disbelievingly. “Someday I want to meet this infamous Minseok guy. If he managed to get Luhan’s attention like that…”

 

“Then who’s getting our drinks?” Baekhyun interrupted. Kyungsoo glared at him again. Yixing was about to answer, when a clear of a throat caused him to look up.

 

“I guess I am?” Kris stood there, a tray with the four drinks Yixing had sent him for on it. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo gaped.

 

“H~ello handsome,” Baekhyun whistled. Kris blushed, sitting down across from Yixing.

 

“You must be Baekhyun,” he replied, setting down a chocolate frappucino in front of him. Baekhyun raised his eyes, impressed.

 

“And you know my drink,” he smirked. “Do you happen to have my number too?” Kris turned even redder.

 

“And you must be Kyungsoo,” he continued, placing the iced Americano in front of him. “He took the seat across from Yixing. “I’m Kris Wu, Bui- Psych student. Yixing told me to go get the drinks for you guys.”

 

“Where have you been hiding this fine ass gentleman from us?” Baekhyun wheeled on Yixing. Yixing glared back at him.

 

“We just met a few weeks ago.” Kris explained, Yixing nodding ferociously.

 

“And in this span of a ‘few weeks’ it never occurred to you to introduce me to one of the most sculpture like human beings I’ve ever seen in my life?”

 

Kyungsoo gaped, nudging Baekhyun in the shoulder. “Shut up you asshole. I don’t think Yixing would like it if you were flirting with his boyfriend.”

 

Yixing and Kris both froze.

 

“We’re not-“

 

“He’s not-“

 

Kyungsoo blinked at the two.

 

“More for me.” Baekhyun deadpanned, before turning towards Kris. “Of course, before I go further, you’re into guys right?” Yixing paused, realizing he never bothered to ask before. Sure Jongdae had mentioned him being like Kris’ type, but he had quickly learned that Jongdae tended to spew random stuff to rile up his friends, and it could have all been a prank.

 

(At least Yixing hoped it was a prank.) His heartbeat quickened, nervously waiting for Kris’ answer.

 

What he wasn’t expecting, was Kris to suavely smirk back at Baekhyun, pushing his hair back. On any other day, Yixing would have poked fun at Kris’ poor attempt at being cool. Now though… he felt his cheeks blush as he gripped his latte closer.

 

“Only the really cute ones of course.” Kris smirked. Baekhyun’s jaw dropped in amazement.

 

“Adonis knows how to flirt! How does such a perfect man exist!” he mock wailed, shifting closer to Kris. Kyungsoo groaned, causing Baekhyun to stick his tongue out at him. “What? You’ve ever heard of the saying that the cute ones are either taken or straight? My prospects are a bit low at the moment, this is literally a dream right now.”

 

Kyungsoo kicked Baekhyun again, causing the other to move back to his spot. “That’s literally not how the saying goes.” He grumbles before turning back towards Kris. “Watch out for Baekhyun, he’s a flirt.” Kris blinked, and for a split second he seemed to stare straight at Yixing, who coughed and turned away, willing his red cheeks to cool down. He looked back up, only to catch a small glimpse of Kris’ face before he turned back to Baekhyun. Yixing’s heart pounded again. It was the same look from before.

 

“I guess it’s a good thing I know how to handle flirts.” Kris bit his lip, grinning down at Baekhyun, who laughed and took a sip from his drink. Yixing felt a slight pang in his chest.

 

_It shouldn’t matter what Kris thinks of Baekhyun anyways,_ he thought. They weren’t dating, they were just friends. Kris was attractive, and what Baekhyun said was right, it was hard for guys like them to come across future partners. Yixing knew that Baekhyun had been trying to get back into the dating field without much luck, and at any other time he would be rooting his friend on.

 

And yet… he didn’t like how the two were acting. They weren’t doing _anything_ , but the ease with which Kris had started talking to Baekhyun set off a wave of anger in Yixing’s heart, wanting him to reach across and pull Kris closer to him. Suddenly they were sitting too close to each other, Baekhyun’s smile too salacious towards Kris, and the look that Kris was giving back…

 

Yixing didn’t like it. At all.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

“But why didn’t you like it?” Yixing blinked, bringing himself back to the bar counter with Tao. Tao was looking intensely at him. Yixing swished the remaining drink in his glass around, unable to answer.

 

“Was it because… you were starting to like him back?”

 

 

 

 

 


	3. three.

_It’s funny;_ Yixing can’t help but think, _how despite the fact all my troubles start with me being at a party, I always find myself at another one_. True to his word, he was once again dragged along with Luhan to a small club right outside their university, under the premise to –once again– meet up with Minseok and Jongdae.

 

Except as soon as they arrived, Luhan and Minseok had disappeared on the dance floor, with Luhan promising to show the other “his moves”. Jongdae had rolled his eyes and left for the bathroom ten minutes ago, leaving Yixing to –once again– sit awkwardly at the bar by himself.

 

He sighed at the bartender. “My friends suck.” The male shrugged.

 

“Maybe it’s time to get new ones?” Yixing nodded in agreement. “Do you want anything?”

 

“Haven’t you learned yet that I shouldn't be around drinks?” Yixing joked. “A small shot of vodka I guess.” The small glass materialized in front of him. Taking out his phone, he took a sip as his finger hovered over Kris’s name. He was bored, but Kris wasn't out of work yet. His phone went back into his pocket.

 

The club music changed from the latest Taylor Swift song to the more high speeded Gangnam Style, which deafened Yixing’s ears. He nearly missed his name being called, but the slight lisp caused him to freeze.

 

“Yixing.” He only knew one person who had a lisp like that.

 

He blinked, and suddenly got a close-up view of said person.

 

“Sehun.” Instantly stepping back from the close proximity, Sehun did the same as well, blushing.

 

“S-sorry, I thought I was seeing things, seeing you here of all places.” Yixing let out a forced laugh.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi.”

 

_Cue awkward silence._ Yixing fidgeted with his hands behind his back, unsure what to say. He grabbed his shot glass and took a sip.

 

“Congrats on you and Jongin.” He blurted out, and then winced. That was definitely what _not_ to say. Sehun’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“You know.” He replied quietly. Yixing let out a dry chuckle.

 

“We do share the same friend group.”

 

Sehun smiled. “I guess it was bound to get back to you.” he raised his own beer to his lips. “This just got more awkward didn’t it?”

 

“N-no… I’m genuinely happy, really.” And he was, Yixing thought. Because even if he and Sehun had parted, he never did hate Sehun for how their relationship ended. He couldn’t hate the boy, and was sincerely glad that he was moving on.

 

“Thanks.” They both fell silent again. The song lightened in tone, making it easier for Yixing to hear Sehun. “How about you?”

 

“Me?” Sehun nodded.

 

“Kyungsoo said you have a new guy in your life, K-kris I think?” Yixing laughed.

 

“We’re not dating.” He said.

 

“Is it because of me?”

 

Yixing paused, turning slowly to face Sehun. “N-no.” he replied, then more affirmatively. “No. It’s not you.” Sehun nodded slowly. His phone buzzed in his hand, and Yixing could see Jongin’s name pop up on the screen. Looking up, he saw that Sehun had noticed too.

 

“Gonna go now?”

 

“Y-yeah.” Sehun placed the empty beer bottle back on the counter, and turned his body to face Yixing completely.

 

“Yixing…” Sehun blinked. “I don’t mean to be cheesy or whatever, and I’m sure you probably don’t want to hear this from me of all people, but… despite what happened between us, I still do love you a lot, and… I really want you to be happy.” He bit his lip.

 

“Kyungsoo says this guy makes you happy.” Yixing looked down at his now empty drink. Sehun sighed. “Maybe I didn’t deserve all the love that you gave me, I really don’t know.” Yixing’s head pounded, and he bit his lip, feeling guilty. “But... someone out there does. And maybe...” He stopped his sentence.

 

“It was nice seeing you again Yixing.” Leaving Yixing with a pat on his shoulder, he turned away from the bar. Yixing refused to look up still, instead turning around and collapsed on the bar counter.

 

“Can I get another one? Bigger this time?” he groaned at the bartender. The glass disappeared from his hand and was replaced with a filled one, which Yixing tipped into his mouth at lightning speed.

 

“Damn, I thought you were a light drinker,” the voice coming from his side sounded familiar, but the burn of the alcohol had started to kick in, blurring his senses. Jongdae waved his hand in front of his face.

 

“Who was that?” Jongdae motioned to Sehun’s retreating back. Yixing shrugged, pouting his lips.

 

“He’s the one that’s keeping you from getting together with Kris?”

 

Yixing whipped around to face Jongdae again, mouth opened to reply ‘no’, but he just stumbled forward instead. Jongdae caught him.

 

“Yeah, you’re definitely a light drinker.”

 

“He’s not keeping me from Kris.” Yixing spluttered out. Jongdae gave him a calm smile.

 

“I know that.” He replied simply. Yixing gaped at him.

 

“Then do you know what really is?” he whined, collapsing into Jongdae’s arms. “What’s keeping me from getting together with him?” Jongdae sighed.

 

“Don’t you know the answer yourself?” Yixing groaned. He hated such ambiguous answers. _Why can’t people just tell it to him straight?_

 

“That would just ruin the fun of it all.” Jongdae smirked. Yixing realized he said the last part out loud.

 

“I called Kris, he’s coming to pick you up right now.” Yixing groaned at the idea of troubling Kris again, but Jongdae cut in, “He’s more then willing too, so don’t worry about troubling him.” He sighed, his face turning serious.

 

“Kris likes you,” Yixing froze, turning slowly to face Jongdae. “But I don’t think you like him back. So… please don’t hurt him.”

 

Yixing remained silent. Jongdae sighed again. “Does Luhan like Minseok, Yixing?” he asked. Yixing still didn’t answer, his mind spinning from everything Jongdae had said. Jongdae exhaled softly, before turning and walking from the counter.

 

_So Kris did like him._ Yixing thought to himself. _Kris likes him._

_But I don’t think you like him back._

He took Jongdae’s still filled beer glass and downed it, feeling the dizzy feeling spread through his body as he stumbled toward the door.

 

Stepped out, a rush of cold air greeted him. “Fanfan~” he sang out. “Fanfan~”

 

“What is it Yixing,” whipping around, he giggled at the sight of a bundled up Kris who came walking up. Kris laughed along with him, albeit slightly confused. The sound was satisfying to Yixing’s ears, and he giggled again.

 

“What’s so funny?” Yixing merely smiled in answer and hugged Kris’ arm.

 

“N~nothing~” he sang out. Kris chuckled again.

 

“You must really be drunk,” he commented, grabbing hold of Yixing’s arm and steadying him. Yixing nuzzled against his neck.

 

“You smell good,” he mumbled. “Like… fresh bread or something.”

 

“I do work in a bakery,” Kris replied. “You live in the East dorm right?” Yixing nodded, dragging his feet alongside Kris’ as the other half dragged him down the street. It felt nice, walking alongside Kris, holding onto his arm, almost as if they were a couple.

 

_Do you like him back?_

 

Yixing pushed Jongdae’s voice out of his head, instead focusing on Kris instead.

 

“What’s up Xing, you’ve been staring at me for a while,” Kris hummed, reaching into Yixing’s back pocket for his dorm key. He swiped the door open.

 

“Just thinking how handsome you look,” Yixing mumbled absentmindedly, nudging Kris in the side.

 

The elder tripped. Stammering, he said, “Y-you don’t mean that.”

 

“How do you know?” Kris stared down at him, wide eyed. Yixing tried to pay attention to Kris’ handsome face and not Jongdae’s voice that was ringing in his head.

 

_I don’t think you like him back._

 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Yixing smiled, holding onto Kris’ hands, causing the taller male to choke.

 

“U-umm. Repeat?” he stuttered. Yixing laughed.

 

“Stop thinking like that, I meant like a movie or something, my roommate has all the Jackie Chan action movies on DVD that I’ve been wanting to watch.” Still holding onto his hands, Yixing dragged Kris inside, falling into his arms as he tottered slight through the threshold.

_You don’t like him back._

“Though we could arrange to do the other thing if you want~” Yixing teased, enjoying as Kris’ face paled, his eyes bright red, tongue darting out to lick his lips nervously. Yixing suddenly felt the urge to kiss him. He leaned forward.

 

_You don’t like him back._

 

“Oh well, this is moving fast-“ Kris stuttered, but let Yixing draw him closer, closing his eyes as their lips met. _Kris tastes nice,_ Yixing thought, as he fell backwards into the couch, Kris following him.

 

“I-Is this-“ He nodded before Kris could finish his sentence, allowing Kris to wrap his arms around his lower body. Their lips met again, and this time, he let Kris’ tongue in, feeling the uncertainty slowly fading away as the other grew bolder with his actions.

 

“So no to the movie?” Kris laughed into his mouth, separating the two. All Yixing could see was a big gummy smile, and unconsciously he grinned as well.

 

Kris leaned forward slowly again, as if unsure if it were okay. Yixing nodded slightly, and Kris drew Yixing into his lap, pressing their foreheads together before leaning to the side to leave another kiss on Yixing’s jawbone.

_Do you like him back?_

 

“Yes.” Yixing whispered to himself. Kris made a humming sound.

 

“Yes what?” He murmured, pressing his lips against Yixing’s neck. It tickled, and Yixing let out a slight laugh.

 

“Nothing,” he smiled against Kris’s hair, his hands coming up to stroke the shock of blonde.

 

_Yes, I do like him back._

 

It hit him hard, the realization of it. He knew it wasn’t the alcohol, because despite his slight drunken state, he could still feel pure emotions going through him.

 

A part of him was still unsure. _How would this work out. They just met a month ago. My head might be playing with him. Maybe I’m reading this wrong, maybe Kris doesn’t like me back._

 

Yet… he pushed aside all the thoughts of the future, all the thoughts of how things would turn out between him and Kris. Instead, he focused on the way Kris held him, tenderly and lovingly. The kisses he gave were uncertain but had a bud of passion in them. The smile he had on beamed down on Yixing like a bright sun, and Yixing found that he wouldn’t mind seeing it more often at this close angle.

 

He focused on what his heart was telling him, what the loud beats in his chest were conveying up to his brain, into his thoughts, and out in his mind.

 

_I like Kris._

 

♪ _Because I'm happy.._.♪ No, Yixing was definitely not happy that someone was interrupting this blissful moment right now. He shut his eyes tight and tried to ignore it, but the ringtone trilled again.

 

Kris laughed and pulled away, eyes crinkled. “You should answer that.”

 

“It’s Luhan I don’t need too.” Kris pulled even farther away much to Yixing’s displeasure, reaching for Yixing’s phone and handed it over. Groaning, Yixing swiped it open.

 

**Jongdae told me you met Sehun at the bar, are you okay? Where are you I’ll come get you.**

 

“Sehun?” Kris’ quiet voice broke into the silence. Yixing turned sharply to see Kris leaning over his shoulder, eyes wide. “You met Sehun at the bar?”

 

Yixing blanched. “It’s not what you think-“

 

“Is that why you were drunk?” Yixing made to respond, but Kris held his hand up in silence. “I thought you were over him.”

 

“I am it’s just- Wait where are you going-“

 

“I like you Yixing.” Despite knowing before, hearing it from Kris froze Yixing to his spot on the couch. Kris laughed bitterly.

 

“But I don’t think you like me back. At all. Because you’re still in love with Sehun.” He took his jacket off the couch.

 

“W-wait. Where are you going?”

 

Kris smiled painfully back. “I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret tomorrow.” He started for the door.

 

“Kris no,” Yixing stood and followed him, grabbing his arm. The alcohol was still buzzing in his head, but the scene was playing loud and clear in front of him. “I really am over Sehun, believe me-“

 

“Just stop it okay!” The loud voice echoed through the empty house, and Yixing stepped back, wincing. “I-I really don’t want to be a rebound for you.” His voice cracked.

 

“You’re not a-“

 

“Don’t give me lies Yixing.” Kris cut in bitterly.

 

“Yixing, what the hell is going on why is their yelling why is the door open- _Yifan_?” Tao’s voice broke into the tense silence as the other walked through the open door, his eyes shifting back and forth from Yixing and Kris. “Yifan, what are you doing-“ he broke off, eyes widening. “Wait so Yixing was-“

 

“Your roommate’s drunk,” Kris gritted, keeping his eyes on the floor. “I just brought him back. Nothing else.” He stormed out the room, brushing past a still-shell shocked Tao. Yixing watched him walk out, his own mind spinning.

 

“Wait. Kris is Red Jordans guy?” Tao fell back onto the couch. “He’s the psych major that's been talking too. He’s the bakery dude you’ve been hanging out with. He’s-“

 

“The one I just let walk out.” Yixing sighed.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

“So the last time you saw him was three nights ago, when I walked in.” Yixing nodded. “Why haven’t you tried to contact him?”

 

“What would I say if I did?” Tao shrugged. “He probably wouldn’t believe me if I told him I did actually like him, and even then I’m unsure about it.” He peered up at Tao.

 

“Have _you_ contacted him? Oh, and thanks for not telling me you knew who Kris was.” He added sarcastically. Tao held his hands up defensively.

 

“How was I suppose to know he was the one you threw up on?” he let out a small chuckle. “It really is a small world. Of all things I thought I would have walked into that night when I heard yelling… I never would have imagined my high school classmate kissing my roommate at all.”

 

“It really is a small world.” Yixing repeated, looking down at his empty phone.

 

Three days. It had been three days since he’d heard from Kris. He wanted to text him, apologize, and ask to meet up, but a part of him held back on doing so.

 

Because even _if_ he _did_ have feelings for Kris, and that was a major _if_ , was he really ready for a whole new relationship?

 

“What are you guys doing? Can I join in?” Luhan suddenly appeared at Yixing’s right, eyes slightly gazed over; tipsier then the two had seen him when they entered the bar. He gave a lopsided grin to the two, before taking a long drink from the Corona in his hands.

 

“Luhan, you’re really drunk.” Yixing asked, discreetly taking the bottle away from the other’s hand. “Where’s Minseok and Jongdae?” Jongdae had invited them all out, and Yixing only had come for the possibility that Kris might also show. (He hadn’t.)

 

Luhan groaned and grabbed it back. “You guys want to hear a real funny story?” he started instead, eyes down casted. “So there was this guy, lovely guy, a bit stupid, but lovely all the same, and well this guy… he had a massive crush on this other guy. The other one was perfect into the stupid guy’s eyes. He was kind and caring, and really handsome too, so fucking handsome like damn, those guys in your favorite kpop group Tao can’t even _relate_. So the two of them hung out a bit, and well, the stupid guy started falling even more and more for the other guy, falling for his beautiful eyes, and dolphin laugh and well he just liked him a lot, liked him so much. So much that he was living in a fantasy where the handsome guy could possibly like him back, until one day, the guy –the handsome and kind one, not the stupid one- well that guy’s best friend took the stupid one aside and told him there is no chance his crush will ever like him back because well he’s-“ Luhan took a long gulp. “ fucking straight.”

 

“Ouch.” Tao replied. Yixing punched him.

 

“All along, I’ve been able to get anyone I wanted,” Luhan pouted, sitting dejectedly at the counter. “It was my pretty face that let the straight guys think I was a girl, or the outgoing attitude that got the gay ones. But it never went past a one-night stand, which made it easier for me of course. I could pick up anyone, with no worries of repercussions or regrets.

 

Then here comes along the one male I could possibly imagine going past one night with, and could possibly imagine going on dates outside the club with, to the park, or shopping, or going to play soccer… and turns out there is no chance he’ll be interested in me at all.” Luhan pouted, taking another drink.

 

“Luhan… I-I’m sorry to hear that-“

 

“Forget it,” Luhan waved it off. “I mean, I’m over him. It was just a small crush.” he groaned and pushed himself away from the counter. Yixing was pretty sure Tao didn’t believe Luhan either. He made to grab him, but the other swept his hand away.

 

“Let him go, he needs time alone,” Tao murmured. Yixing froze, looking dejectedly at Luhan, who began to make his way through the crowd again. Yet the smiling face was nothing like Luhan at all, almost seemingly forced.

 

“You know, you were just like that right after you broke up with Sehun,” Yixing turned sharply towards Tao. “Always drinking, making those kind of pouts, yet telling us it was ‘nothing’ and that ‘you were fine’. You think we always believed it? Even I can tell the difference between a forced smile and a real one. But neither of us knew what to do with you, because you didn’t let us in, didn’t tell us how to help. You kept it all to yourself, even though I could tell you were really lost after the breakup.”

 

“Then along came this new guy. I didn’t even know it was Kris, or that you were meeting up with him regularly, but even I could see the difference in your attitude. You started laughing more, started to cheer up. You started to be the Yixing you were before the break up. I thought you guys were getting along just fine, so why did everything change that night?” Yixing blinked, his mind spinning.

 

“Do you think… I still have feelings for Sehun… and that’s why I can’t fully accept Kris’ feelings in my heart?” Yixing murmured. “Maybe it’s that. Maybe Kris is right. Maybe it’s because really I’m not over Sehun, and seeing him was the reason my hormones went into overdrive and-“

 

“Yixing,” Tao interrupted. He sighed before continuing. “Yixing, if you really still aren’t over Sehun, then three months ago… why did you break up with Sehun in the first place?” Yixing froze.

 

Because despite what most people believed, that it was Sehun that ended it all, Sehun who walked out on their relationship and caused Yixing to go into his depressive state, the truth was that _Yixing_ was the one who told Sehun they were over. Three months ago, on a quiet Saturday night, where Sehun had opted to stay in with Yixing rather then join Luhan and Jongin at the bar, was when Yixing had broken up with him, ended a four year relationship with a simple ‘I don’t think it’s working out.’

 

It was the first time he had seen Sehun cry in the four years they’ve been together. _Please don’t do this. What’s happened. Let me fix this. Yixing talk to me._ Those words stuck with Yixing even after Sehun left his apartment, door slamming. Even after Tao came back and hugged Yixing close, even after Luhan came rushing to their apartment and joined in. Even as days passed and everyone naturally assumed that the emotionless Sehun was the one who broke up with Yixing – who had holed himself up at home – something that Sehun never bothered to correct, allowing himself to take the blame so everyone came to comfort Yixing instead. Only Tao ever knew the truth.

 

“Yixing, what’s keeping you from Kris isn’t Sehun. What’s keeping you from Kris is yourself.” Yixing blinked out of his memories, as Tao stared at him over his beer bottle. “I think the problem is, you fall in love too fast and too hard, and that’s what hurt you with Sehun. You ended the relationship because despite everything Sehun said, you didn’t believe that he loved you back. You were worried that it was going to end eventually, so you broke up with him to avoid heartbreak.”

 

“Now here comes another person, and suddenly you’re feeling the same way. It may have just started as a friendship, but even I could see Kris was slowly changing you for the better, and that you were beginning to see him in a new light. But the pain from Sehun isn’t gone yet.

 

Sure, Kris has it wrong. It’s not because of Sehun. But there is still something that’s keeping you from being with him. I think it’s your fear that it won’t work out. You don’t want to suffer another heartbreak. You worry to much about what’s going to come later, how you guys are going to stay together later on, after you graduate, after you find jobs and move on with your busy lives. ‘How will we balance each other out?’ ‘What if he finds out bad flaws about me later on?’ ‘What if later on, I get bored? What if he gets bored?’ You’re asking yourself all this right?”

 

“But Tao, if I don’t worry about that now, how can I be sure I make the right decisions for our future together?”

 

“Yixing. Tell me. Yesterday, when you were with Kris on the couch, what did you feel?” Tao didn’t let him continue. “Right in that moment, not focusing on the repercussions to come, or what might become of your future. At that exact moment, when you looked Kris in the eyes, what did you feel?“

 

_Happiness. Tenderness . Warm lips against his neck. A bright smile that Yixing wouldn’t mind seeing more often._

 

“You felt happiness right? It was a blissful moment, where you could imagine being with Kris in the long term.” He paused. “You see? That’s how you can ‘prepare’ for the future, by living in the moment. Because if you were truly meant to be with him, the fun of unpredictable times ahead is best explored alongside the one you want to experience those times together with. Living by the minute may be scary, but if you can open your heart and trust Kris enough, well... all those anxieties you may have, the fears of what is going to come… well you just have to trust that you and Kris will work through it.”

 

The two sat in silence, allowing Yixing to muse over what Tao had just told him.

 

“You know… back in high school,” Tao began, clunking his empty beer bottle on the counter. “Me and Yifan used to mess around with making music together, even if our songs weren’t as good as yours. He’s a real good lyricist actually. I used to joke that he should be the one doing creative writing instead of me.” Yixing stared at him, puzzled.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Stop making music for someone to dance too Yixing.” Tao continued. “Start making it _with_ someone together, two parts working together to make the perfect song. Because that’s what a relationship is. It’s a bond between two people, who are willing to make up for each other’s flaws and strengths, who work together to make sure they can stay together.”

 

“And I honestly think… with someone like Kris, someone who loves just as deeply and cares just as selflessly as you, I really think you guys can work out.” Tao took a deep breath, staring over at Yixing, who was lost in thought.

 

He may have lost his chance with Sehun, did he really want to lose it with Kris?

 

“He and his mom live above the bakery, you should start there,” Tao cut in. Yixing jerked up.

 

“Thanks… for everything,” he murmured. Tao smiled back, his grin suddenly turning devilish.

 

“Well, I am writing a novel based on your life, and everyone loves a happy ending, so I kind of need you to have one so I can end the novel right.” Yixing elbowed him, rolling his eyes. Tao laughed. “In all seriousness though, you deserve a happy ending. You have the music, you just need someone to write the lyrics.” Yixing snickered.

 

“Your metaphors suck, why are you even in creative writing?” Yixing smiled at Tao. “You should take psychology instead, you’re much better then Kris is, and he’s an actual psych major.” Tao crunched his face up in confusion, before realization dawned on him.

 

“Yixing…” he started. “He’s not a psych major.”

 

 

\- - -

 

 

“KRIS!! OPEN THE DOOR.” Yixing’s yells rang through the empty neighborhood, but he could care less at the moment. “KRIS!” he pounded on the bakery window.

 

“Please don’t do that, if it breaks, my mom will kill me.” Whipping around, he saw Kris walk up to the storefront, a small plastic bag in hand. He smiled weakly at Yixing.

 

“You’re not a psychology student. You’re a business and economics major.” was the first thing Yixing blurted out. Kris blinked, cheeks turning red.

 

“I guess Tao told you huh,” Kris laughed awkwardly. Yixing nodded.

 

“Why did you lie, and tell me you were?” Kris scratched his head.

 

“Technically, you were the one who made the suggestion. I just went with it in hopes you wouldn’t think I was crazy.”

 

Yixing snorted. “I walk into a store and the guy wants me to tell him my life story. You were already crazy in my mind.” Kris bit his lip in embarrassment.

 

Yixing sighed. A silence fell over the two, with Kris still standing a few feet away. Yixing took one step forward.

 

“I really am over Sehun.” Kris froze, but Yixing still moved forward. ”That night, that was truly what I felt. I was doing all those things, kissing you, hugging you… because I wanted too, not because of Sehun.”

 

“Yi-yixing-“

 

“I-It’s been two months since my last breakup,” Yixing started, his eyes fixed on Kris’ face. “I loved Sehun, but I thought he didn’t love me back. I thought I was just a hindrance to him and his dreams. I had this feeling that it would just end even worse if I let it go on, so I broke up before I could fall too deeply in.”

 

“Three days ago I felt the same feeling of love for another guy.” Kris’ face changed slightly, but he didn’t move. Yixing continued, “But I had the same worries again. What if I’m not enough for him? What if I’m just a bother to him? I’m always in the clouds, or working on my music. I forget dates, forget meet ups, sometimes even forget to contact other people when I’m doing something. I don’t like going to parties, and would prefer us just sitting at home in comfortable silence.”

 

“You might get bored of me. Or frustrated. It’s possible a relationship with me might not last past a week. It might last longer, closer to four years, only to end with the worst possible break up. I don’t know what the future will hold, and I’m still scared where this will go,” he took a step closer to Kris, slightly trembling. “B-but, I-I want to try. I want to live it day by day, even if every tomorrow comes with uncertainty. I want to slowly learn about the person I’m with, to find out new things about him at random times in our relationship, and not expect myself to know everything beforehand.”

 

“A-And… I don’t know if you s-still want too but… I want to try it with you.” He faltered off, refusing to look up at Kris. “I want to know about your past, and your goals for the future. I want to know your favorite place to eat, where you like to hang out in your free time, what you like to do when you’re not cleaning your shoes off of stranger’s vomit. I don’t want to wonder about what’s going to happen to us after we graduate, if we’ll last until then or not. Rather, I want to wonder if you’re really as good at basketball as everyone says, or if your sesame balls are as good as you claim they are, or if you really do write good lyrics-“

 

“Do you want to come in?” Yixing froze in his monologue. Kris gave him a small smile. He held up the plastic bag.

 

“I just got back from Joonmyun and Jongdae’s dorm room. We were having some sesame balls that I made,” he took another step closer to Yixing, hand reaching for the bakery door. “D-do you want to try some?” he smiled wider, a brightness returning to his eyes. Yixing thought it was beautiful. He stepped closer.

 

_Who knows what will come in the future_. He thought _. Maybe it’ll end just like with Sehun, maybe even worse. Maybe getting myself even more involved with Kris is just a heartbreak waiting to happen._

 

But right then and there, at that moment, seeing Kris’ kind face and his outstretched arm…

 

Yixing was perfectly fine to just stay there in the present.

 

“Sure.”

 

 

\- - -

 

 

**EXTRA SCENE:**

 

The taxi had barely stopped before Tao had launched himself out the door and into Luhan’s apartment building. Taking the stairs two at a time, he skidded to a halt in front of Luhans apartment door, banging it twice. There was no answer. Tao let himself in.

 

The scene in front of him wasn't any different from what he had seen the last few times he was over, but this time, Tao pulled the guy on top of Luhan off.

 

Luhan gaped. “What the hell-“ Tao shushed him.

 

“You.” he pointed at the wide-eyed male on the floor. “Get out.” He turned back to Luhan. “We need to talk.” The other male looked up, confused.

 

“Is this your boyfriend?” Luhan groaned.

 

“No. He’s an irrelevant piece of shit.” Tao ignored the insult and pulled Luhan towards his bedroom door.

 

“When we come out, I don’t want to see you still here.” He slammed the door shut.

 

“Tao, what the hell-“

 

“Talk to him.” Luhan paused. “Don’t fucking hide from this, talk to Minseok. Tell him what you feel.”

 

Luhan rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure, ‘cause I’m going to go straight up to him and be like, ‘hey I have a fucking crush on your straight ass’.”

 

“No, what you are going to do is ignore this whole situation, and go around as if everything is fucking fine.” Tao spat out in anger. “But we both know that’s not going to work out. You wear you heart on your sleeve Luhan. As much as you try to hide it, your emotions are so out there in the open for everyone to see. I mean, how else was Jongdae able to notice you had a crush on Minseok?”

 

“Tao, just forget it-“

 

“No, I won't forget it,” Tao exploded, slamming his fist against the closed door. Hot tears began springing to his eyes. “Because you’re hurting because of this, and I don’t want to see you hurting!”

 

“Sure, this is going to change your relationship with Minseok forever. But I can guarantee you that he won’t outcast you or think that you’re weird. He’s too kind, too loving from that. I’ve only met him once, and I already know that.”

 

“But if you refuse to talk to him, if you just close this problem off from him and try and continue on just the same, won’t that hurt both of you even more? You’re hurting because of your feelings, and Minseok’s going to be hurting because he’ll know you’re hiding something from him, and he won’t know how to fix that tense wall that’s going to be between you because of your secret. And then what? Do you really think you can both go on, with such a giant elephant between the two of you?”

 

“Tao…” Luhan trembled. “I-I’m scared. What if I do lose him as a friend?” Tao shook his head no.

 

“You won’t. I’m sure.” He threw his arms around Luhan. “P-please do this for me Luhan,” Tao pulled the other closer into his body, tears springing to eyes. “Talk to him, work through this with him. I don’t want to see you suffer anymore. Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


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